The Cloudwall

Love is infinite and eternal... and sometimes that's just hard...

24 September
4/14/2009: "My fault, my failure is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them." -Jack Kerouac (

11/29/2008 Update: Lastfm

9/13/2008 - Why I use a pirate icon...

8/31/2008 - "Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature."
Tom Robbins in Still Life with Woodpecker

Babylon 5, Season Two, Comes the Inquisitor
3/10/2008: There it is. Well, there's a link to where it is. YouTube won't let me embed the actual video, but you have no idea how really cool it is that I figured out the link thingy... but then, while cool and all, it's avoiding the question... Who am I..?

Without falling back on what is provided, defined, delineated, stamped, sanctioned, numbered and approved by others, I am the sum of all my experiences. And there have been quite a few. Some I'm proud of, others, not so much. But I wouldn't go back and change any one of them for the world. Because it would mean the end of my world, and I love my world...

If I were to fall back on what is provided, defined (you get the idea..!) then I would mention being a mother (Steven's my joy!), a true and constant friend and an awful email correspondent. I'm an SVP and Trust Compliance officer. I'm a theater major drop out who now works in a bank. I'm the daughter of a middle class, white collar office worker who desperately wanted to work with his hands. I'm the "Janet" that pookieyamamama mentions. This is my first journal and have no idea how I'll be with it.

What do I want? I want to learn yoga and photography. I want to be the cool mom in my son's circle of friends. Right now, I want to get a good night's sleep. It's all good...

So that's it for now. I HAVE figured out that video thing (Thanks ossarium..!) and will update this bio periodically. Because I >>will<< think of something else that I just had to say here. In the meantime, don't be a stranger...

All my love,

4/4/08: What is the Cloudwall?

"But the city is now obscured, as it often is, by the whitened mass in which it rests - rushing by us at unfathomable speed, crackling like wind in the mist, cold to the touch, glistening and unfolding, tumbling over itself like the steam of an engine or cotton spilling from a bale. Though the blinding white web of ceaseless sounds flows past mercilessly, the curtain is breaking ... it reveals amid the clouds a lake of air as smooth and clear as a mirror, the deep round eye of a white hurricane."

Mark Helprin - Winter's Tale

The Cloudwall is one of the images (and to me, one of the strongest) used by Mark Helprin in his novel Winter's Tale. I read the novel after falling in love with the cover (yes, I judged a book by it's cover!) and was immediately pulled in by Helprin's superb writing and the entrancing themes of the book. Now, years later and after numerous readings, one thing is clear to me - this is a novel that you should not explain - each reader will come away with different views of the images it uses and with a different feeling on the themes it explores.

Without trying to explain the novel (which would only bore you and would make me feel like an inadequate writer), I can at least tell you about the Cloudwall. Throughout the novel, Helprin mentions a great wall of white cloud that appears between New York and the surrounding countryside, frequently in the Bayonne marshes. This Cloudwall makes a thunderous roaring noise and moves unpredictably across the landscape. Things that enter it do not exit into the world they knew - the wall seems to swallow them up in time. Sometimes they find a place they need, like the Lake of the Coheeries. Sometimes the wall disgorges some lost soul, out of their time and confused by their journey. Occasionally, the wall is the means by which a person travels to a further accomplishment of the spirit, such as Peter Lake and the Athansor do.

Like the Cloudwall in Winter's Tale, this journal is a drifting and unpredictable barrier which covers the promise of a golden city and protects the timeless lands around it. Those who belong here will find their way through. Those who do not will simply be confused and lost.

Welcome to the Cloudwall!

Sun Sign: Libra
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